Cinco de Mayo at Taco Bell 
In celebration of Cinco de Mayo, Christine, Gayle, and I went to Taco Bell for lunch. I’ve been to plenty of Taco Bells in the past, so I’ve seen the various class of employees. Today, however, must have been a special day. Multiple classes of Taco Bell employee were represented. It was a lot like being at the Old Country Buffet but without all the sweatpants.
The first individual to help us falls into the morbidly obese genderly agnostic group. I think this person was a woman based off of the voice, but the chin scruff pointed toward male. MOGA-person went on break after Christine ordered, and his/her place was taken by cracked tooth lady.
Cracked tooth lady took the remaining orders, and then informed us that we could win $1000 by taking a phone survey. I’m curious if they have an email address instead. I’d love to send them this gem.
The older woman who actually prepared the food looked like the carrot thief from the Been Caught Stealing video. I’m still not convinced that she isn’t in fact a dude.
There was one worker that appeared to be normal while sitting at a table. Upon standing it was determined that she has a severe limp.
Rounding out this gaggle of ailments was Mr. Whiteshirt, otherwise known at the manager. He was aiding the carrot thief by manning the sour cream caulk gun. You could see the disdain on his face grow with each successive pull of the trigger. I could hear the monologue running in his head. “I have a associates degree in hotel/restaurant management from Devry University. What the hell am I doing here with limpy and tooth rot?”
What we have at this point is a disgruntled manager and the diversity superfecta. As an added bonus, a possibly pregnant teenager snuck in the back to pick up her check.
We got our food and made our way back to Gayle’s car. I sat in the passenger seat thinking about this very story and heard what can only be described as a walrus and a garbage disposal simultaneously chewing on a Chevette. I looked over and saw an old lady (possibly related to toothy) coughing up a lung while parked in a handicap spot. She slowly leaned out the window and deposited a lovely nugget of lung-butter on the ground below.
I wish I could have made up this story.